Just returned from the local city council candidate debate at Fitchburg State University. I honestly had no plans to write about this. I just went to support my candidate and friend, Dolores Thibault-Muñoz, who knocked it outta the paaaaaaahhhhk, by the way.
But… oh, the unintentional hilarity! (And yes, the fine, fine Mass-accents.) My husband and I were literally shaking with silent laughter in our seats. The kind where you don’t dare look at each other. So glad we didn’t miss this. (And thanks so much to my neighbor-friend LaNeia for keeping the toddler so we could truly enjoy the show!)
So, I had to collect some quotes… I just HAD TO! (I know, there’s no hope for me.) This is the stuff you definitely will NOT read tomorrow in the Sentinel & Enterprise, the local paper that sponsored the event and posed the oh-so-serious questions. (Flashback!)
Here we go… bring on the confusion, mixed metaphors, bad grammar and general craziness!
“I have not seen transparency more often than not.” – Councilor Marcus DiNatale, on working with the mayor’s office (Huh?)
“I’m still here breathing like no tomorrow,” DiNitale, on still being alive after living on Fitchburg’s dangerous Main Street for 4.5 years (Sounds like he’s breathing pretty hard!)
“The bomb shelter’s about to get dropped in their lap.” – Ward 2 Candidate Paul Ledger, on the coming sewer rate increase (Really? The whole damn shelter?)
“Leave it to Beaver and not…” – Ledger, describing at length what the walk to school and back should be like for kids and parents, in “painted crosswalks” (C’mon… like Leave it to Beaver… or not? And wasn’t that like 60 years ago, dude?)
“The bigger things will take care of themselves eventually.” – Ledger, explaining how he wants to concentrate on the little stuff (Oh, I don’t think that’s how it works!)
“I don’t come from a big name.” –At-large Candidate Lewis Chamberlain, saying people won’t see his name and think, “Oh, I know that guy”
“This is where I was born and probably where I’m going to die.” – Chamberlain (Something very grim about that.)
“Facebook may not work for them all the time.” – At-large Candidate Josiah Richards, on the need to communicate with Fitchburg’s seniors in a more, uh, personal way (Haha! Old people don’t use Facebook! If only that were true.)
“One thing I’m disappointed in… is problems between neighbors. That’s taking up A LOT of my time.” – Ward 1 Councilor David Clark, who went on at length about his database of constituent calls and emails
“When people say there’s no good people in Fitchburg… those young people are good people.” – At-large Candidate Michael DiPietro on the high school kids who helped a woman out of the river recently (Really? Do people say there are NO good people in Fitchburg?)
“When I attended the police academy…” – Councilor Rosemary Reynolds, who must be 70-plus (She didn’t look like a cop!)
Fitchburg is not “dark, dirty and desolate…” – Ward 5 Candidate Nicholas Carbone, a very young and earnest candidate who’s experienced pretty much everything Fitchburg has to offer, from church to Boy Scouts to college
If we raise taxes and fees, people should – at a minimum – get the same level of service. – Ward 4 Candidate Jeffrey Jollimore, Dolores’ competition. (Not a direct quote, but funny. Pay more, get… the same!)
“And that’s the end,” as Ward 2 Candidate Norman Boisvert said, wrapping up his personal statement
What a fun night. Thank you, Fitchburg city council candidates. Thank you.