Funny fakey flora

I’ve been driving by these really pretty plants for a few months now on Route 12 in Fitchburg. They made my head snap. I kept wondering… what are they? Is that some kind of really tall and skinny variegated Hosta? Why do they never change or bloom? And why only two of them, standing like sentries at the gate?

A few days ago, my curiosity finally beat back my laziness. I pulled over and got out of the car to inspect. And guess what?

Yep!

Fake!!

too good to be true

Hilarious! They are literally buried right in the ground, like real plants. Amazing. Hey, and this place is for sale. These fake plants could be yours! (Side note: while doing this odd and not-so-sneaky survey, I looked up to see three little girls looking at me out the window next door, laughing, popsicles in hand. I thought, why the hell aren’t you in school?)

But it gets weirder.

That same night, I was at Lowe’s, stocking up on the aforementioned potting soil and little terra cotta pots to save all my treasured Coleus from the coming “frost.”

And guess what I saw?

Yep! The real thing… I had to rub its leaves to believe. According to the tag, it’s called Diffenbachia and it’s an “Air Purifier.” I probably would have bought it for $5 on sale — box store ban nonwithstanding — but some of the leaves looked a little fried. And you know, once I’d already experienced such perfection on the side of the road…

the real deal

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About plantkiller

Paysha Rhone is a wife, mother, former-journalist-turned-PR-maven and bad mamajama killing plants in the Victorian splendor of Fitchburg, Massachusetts.
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