In the excellent 2003 gambling flick The Cooler, William H. Macy plays a guy with such bad luck, even standing next to him in a casino will make you to lose. it. all. It’s a very entertaining movie (I think Macy might be one of those rare actors who doesn’t make bad pictures) but it’s bringing me down a little these these days. Because I am starting to feel like the Plant Cooler.
Yeah, I know this is Plantkiller. And there’s a reason I didn’t buy so much as a house plant until I was, uh, old enough to take care of it. (Like last year.) But it’s getting to be a bit much, even for me. It’s a good thing I always take pictures right after I plant newly-purchased flowers, or no one would believe in my immeasurable Powers of Death.
I give you…
Exhibit A: Bee Balm
Now it looks like this (a little worse actually, as today I noticed a sort of grayish mold-like dust on its new leaves):
Exhibit B: Gay Feather
Mine is now crunchy and even more dead than this picture portrays:
Exhibit C: Huechera
Now I am lucky to have a few blooming branches:
Exhibit D: Yarrow
Exhibit E: Impatiens
The Thrill is Gone, as BB King would say…
And finally, Exhibit F: Sedum
Where have all the flowers gone? (You knew that was coming, right? Sorry!)
Of course, we’ve already discussed the dramatic demise of my Lobelia.
Why do I go on?
** I think (hope) I am learning. Maybe I’ll get better.
** My best friend repeatedly assures me that “behind every good gardener is a pile of dead plants.” (I am going to be a Master Gardener someday!)
** I like “digging in the dirt,” as my beloved Norwegian grandma (and a real Master Gardener) used to say.
** I’d rather waste money on killing plants than have a drinking/drugging/smoking addiction at this point in my life. No dignity in that. (Though it may eventually become as pricey. Ahhh, the rush of the new plant… followed by the downer crash when it wilts. I’ll be rocking and sobbing in a corner before it’s all over.)
** Also, my Celosia is KICKING ASS. Cabbage looks pretty nice too.
** I have gotten pretty good with Coleus, if I do say so myself.
Also for the defense… I give you this glorious Bee Balm that was totally fried last summer. Looked worse than the one above, word of God. I moved it twice, left it in the Happy Bed for dead and it came back this summer, unbidden, shining. I get a little teary looking at it.
Guess I’ll suck it up. Fourth quarter, as my husband says.